She Pray’s for you…(Jingle’s Week 32 Thursday Poetry Rally)

He said you shouldn’t be…
told her you’re a good
woman, never hold back
because of me…

He said he knows
that he hurt her
and for that he said
I’m so sorry

He said he acts as
if he doesn’t care, but
their friendship matters
so much, and
really he does care

He said he didn’t want
things to turn out that way,
but it all got bad so quick
too fast

he said she’s not a runner up,
she’s number one, she’ll
never be, second to none

He said she was real good
to him, gave real
love not forced or fake
but real genuine

He said I owe you honesty
and that it’s all
just so sad to him

He said he knows she’s
hurting still and wishes
there was something
he could do to make
it all better again

He said he prays her love
she’ll find
because it’s deserved
and she’s been waiting
for such a very long time

He says it’s just all so
confused, unsettled
and he just doesn’t
know what to do and
she said not to worry
cuz she always prays for you…

NOTE: I pulled this poem out of my “hat” of poems that I’ve previously written! Thanks

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Blessings in Disguise?

I just got done reading the most current blog post of a good friend of mine…and WOW women across the board seem to be having the same types of issues when it comes to males. I find it all to be so disheartening. And many kudos to the men out there that, for a lack of another way of putting it, “keep it REAL.”

I’ve recently been surrounded by a few women who have been so badly heart by the men they allowed to enter into their lives and that they allowed themselves to be emotionally bound to or maybe vulnerable to…I believe that is of course for a reason and maybe that reason is so that we can learn from one another’s coping methods.

I refuse to be a scorned woman…I refuse to hate the man that I allowed myself to be emotionally vulnerable to because it didn’t work out. He’s truly a good person, he just made some not so great choices in dealing with our “Friend-lationship.”

I’ve been commended by a few on how I have dealt with it all and by my choosing to remain really good friends with him. But you know the good book says to forgive and to forgive quickly…I by no means hate him…I want for him to be abundantly happy, actually. As women and men we can’t harbor ill feelings for what someone in a past relationship may or may not have done to you because it keeps you from moving on. When you fail to forgive you are only holding yourself hostage. And sorry to say that just is no good!

Women out there if you’ve been hurt count it all joy it may just have been your blessing in disguise…or maybe you were just supposed to be friends with that person and nothing more…All in all don’t beat yourself up over it or hold him in contempt for any decisions he made that had an ill effect on you…it’s not worth it.

Stage 2…Continued

…I think I am transitioning into stage 3 right now. I believe this stage to be equatable to Realization…I’m still in dialogue with him as I still have things to say. Things are being expressed clearer now on both his part and mine. And as I make my transition from stage 2 “The Fight” into stage 3 I have learned a lot…I feel as though I have talked and talked about this situation so much that it is now falling on deaf ears so I write…

Stage two is really hard. The other day I wanted to call one of my girls but I didn’t because how I was feeling–while she would have been sympathetic to it. Afterwards she would have become the teacher and that wasn’t what I needed at the time. So I ended up talking to my BFF…(male) and the thing the said to me that stuck out the most and that has been replaying in my head is…

“Think of it as a positive [being single]. Maybe if you were to meet your king right now, when neither of you are ready for each other…you or him would screw it up.”

That put a new light on things because it makes absolute sense.

More to come in Stage 3…

Getting Over…A PROCESS indeed…

It’s a new month…a new day and a different time. I’m stuck in the process of “getting over” someone and I am, for some reason, wanting to document this process.

I’ve never fell so hard for a man, like I did for this one. The way things started off, I would have bet money that he was the ONE. He painted me this picture that now seems to have been a facade on my part but while I was living it–it was so real. This man dated me, courted me, cherished me…well maybe not really–but it sure seemed that way. He told me he loved me, wanted me, wishes I was with him everyday. He told me that he would never do anything to hurt me, that he would never want me to even think there was someone else taking my place in his life. I was twittered patted, infatuated, I was in love with this man-who I thought was heaven sent. I mean he was what I thought I was looking for. He’s a believer, more over, a church goer. Prayers, works in the community. He respected me (or so I thought), he made me feel like a man should make a woman feel.

I met his parents, his eldest sister…and I didn’t just meet his parents we went on a double date with his parents. I met some of his closest friends…But recently he betrayed me.

Stage 1 – The betrayal

Things started changing-for the worse…I became inquisitive, which in turn only pissed him off. He was defensive and not forth coming with information because he said I was trying to check him–Guilty conscious was all that was. His new chick and him were on blast all over the Internetinternet but he denies and denied that she is his girl. He ultimately blamed me…said I was nosy and jealous and that his relationship with her is what it is…and that he said he wasn’t trying to have a GF and that she was not…but I guess you get to a point where seeing is believing and not hearing. He told me that we were just friends and that he told me he was “doin me”

Now what the hell does that mean? I had to do some background research on the term because I wasn’t believing that that meant what he tried to tell me that meant. So, I asked one male friend and he said to him it meant that the guy was doing his own thing–no ties…Okay that’s cool but next time if that is what’s meant…lets say that and mean that and let our actions depict that.

I also asked my male BFF and the first thing that came out of his mouth was “Selfish” he said it means that dude isn’t thinking about anybody but himself and it doesn’t matter how you may have interpreted anything he said i because he already had himself covered when he opened his mouth to say “I’m doin me” But in trying to gain further understanding our conversation continued and I asked well does doing him mean that he can blatantly tell me one thing and do another…does it mean since I’m doing me screw you and your feelings? does it mean I’m going to date you and date her too? Does it mean I’m in a relationship with someone else now but am still trying to hold on to you–does it mean that I CAN USE you to my own liking? My BFF concluded that from what I was telling him dude is immature, selfish and sloppy…that lightened my heart.

So all in all stage one for me is the being emotional…omg was I ever so emotional. I’ve apparently never felt for a man the way I felt for this one because I was undeniably devastated…crushed…my world…no the picture of my world with him fell off the wall and broke into a million pieces…my heart felt nothing but pain. I wanted to be angry but couldn’t because I was hurting too badly. I being who I am broke down and just cried over him. But it was a much needed release…

So all in all ladies reading this…if you know in your gut things are changing but his words are telling you what you see is not what you should believe…castrate that relationship asap to save yourself from ultimate hurt. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be caught up in things that could be avoided if we just took heed to the signs instead of ignoring them thinking something you can do will change things…let’s stop lying to ourselves…and men stop telling women “I’m doing me” if doing you is a conniving no good two timing backstabber is what you mean you are about to be then say that…but I know when I’m doing me…I’m still me and that’s honest and considerate of others feelings when allowing them to be a part of my life.

to be continued with Stage 2…

How he hurt me

A time before with just
the mention of his name
a smile, radiant and bright
is what I became
…now I hear his name
the wells of my eyes
fill with tears
equatable to lies,
injustices and down
right selfishness…
committed seriously with,
absolute seriousness I’ve
been objectified and lied to
held hostage on a cold harsh
reality roll-a-coaster ride
not vicious or cynical but damn
twisted , as my hurt
fights to not become anger
as my joys turn into sorrow
as I fight to not subject her to the
humiliation he subjected me
damn as you read you think
that’s one harsh reality
but the thoughts
within me are
trying drive me
absolutely wild…
one minute there’s tears
the next second there’s cheers
I’m blessed to think
what God’s future
for me brings near…
but on this walk
I tread faith alone…
its a tight rope
only it’s made of thread
if I stumble, I may fall
if I fall, who do I have to call…
this is the pain that he cause
this is the hurt his written
on my whiles…it’s silver
lining is there is only one
me and that me, she’ll never be