Road BLOCK

Mistaken, miss-taken
I attempted, with my best
Zealous-ness and heart, I pushed
Past fear and made the road clear

Let go and gave in to hope
A dream that couldn’t float
My-self I gave, for us, I prayed—
Our friendship, our growth, our
Lives, our love—ones

Trust I granted, favor
I gave, the clock ticked on
I waited, one-year and
Seven months long

For not, for nothing, for lessons,
For truths, understanding or
Some kind of yet to be seen boost

The door now closed
Emotions still sore, a box
That opens, now shut
A key—stored away
From this time, from this space

Still with hope for the future, if found one day…
I would be glad to have received the warmth of love
A cozy gift from only God above.

Exceptional

I am exceptional.
And definitely NOT
Just because my
Mother, says so—

I am exceptional as
I spread my wings
Flying higher than
Bald eagles.

I am exceptional
As I exponentially
Raise the bar higher
And higher—
Demanding with
Conviction from
Hours and hours
Of time spent
That I am—exceptional.

I am exceptional.
It shows from the glow
That rest upon—post,
Marking the target,
Setting the goal,
Moving forward with
Passion, to conquer
showing no fear.

I am exceptional.
And no, it’s not just
Cuz my momma
Told me so…

I am exceptional.
From the soles of my
Feet, through the wiggle
Of each toe; Exceptional
I am while I declare
And give command—
Thank God Almighty,
“I’m free at last” and
that most certainly
most absolutely, and
astutely means that—

I am EXCEPTIONAL.

Now I see.

I have truly let you go
I see the light, for the
Tunnel is bright, not
Dimly lit, it shines
Smiling on all of the
Great time we spent
The good times we
Shared…the love we
Dared.

I close my eyes and
See your image, my
Minds eye, vivid—all
That is you and I…I mean
All that was you and I
See it flash within my
Eyes—deeply I smile

I let go of the hope
To one day be your
Wife, it does not seem
That would be our
Destiny—in love I let
Go but I’ll always
Love you so—I once
Upon a time wished
You to be the one.

I once upon a time
Wished that I would
Be for you, as you to me,
I held long onto
That dream, I held
Tight for all hopes
That one day it might
Actually be.

Then reality you see
Knocked me down,
Down right to my
Knees, yelling at me
To see, with tears
In my eyes I finally
Understood why.

I need love you see.
To hear it, to feel it
To see it, to touch it
I need assurance
That our love is
True between you
And me…I needed
To hear that you loved
Me…I needed consistency
I needed you to love me.
NO. I needed you to be open
To showing me, and yes! Telling
Me, unconditionally how
Much you loved me.

Patient I was, patient I
Tried, tears weld up,
Falling from my eyes
I held on, I held on, I let go
But still I held on…hoping
Too hard, that this wasn’t our
Reality, hoping too hard
There would still be a
You and me…now knowing,
I let go…now opening my
Eyes to see…I understand.

Before reluctantly, even
Hesitantly, now with
Confidence and peace
Now with love and peace
Now understanding it
Was the past that shared
Me and you. Now I see.

 

**Thursday Poetry Rally: Week 57**

Hiding Inside.

for so long, I allowed
my youth to wreck
my nerves—allowed
your drug use to
self-induce my emotions
into a dark-ness, a dark
abyss of pity and
doubt, clouds of unrest
from un-want, dis-trust and
lack of love–
i built a cave and
tucked my heart
deep deep inside
away from you–
my mother!–NO MORE
pain will you inflict
your drug bull-shit
makes me so sick—
feelings from youth
I’ve always held so
deep inside–allowing
pain and hurt to reign
as pride, while all this
time, I was really, just–
hiding inside…

¡pWrite…Blessed.

It’s been a while since I’ve actually posted a pwrite. Heck it’s been just as long since I’ve consistently posted any poetry. I’ve been busy with school and on this RUHCUS Journey which has been so amazing and on time for my spirit. I serve an awesome God and my God is ALWAYS on time with what/who I need in my life. Or for that matter what/who I don’t need in my life. And what I don’t need is the burdened feelings I have and had been carrying around for decades because I didn’t know what to do with them–so it’s amazing to get the opportunity to FREE myself and heal. For those of you who may be like what is a R.U.H.C.U.S. it’s a movement. It stands for Radically Unapologetic Healing Challenge 4 US. It’s part of the Body is Not An Apology Movement–a movement founded by Poet Activist Sonya Renee. This woman has a calling on her spirit and she is fulfilling her destiny on God’s terms. Anyhow, “Christmas break” is approaching and I plan to have a long and delightful break so hopefully I will be able to re-center and focus in my poetry craft.

Come Back.

You left us…here you are no more
the pain you felt, the bruises that
never seemed to go away.

Your forever feelings of being tired
the lack it last no more as the
leukemia war is a war for you no more

Granny come back. Aches my heart
in the space where your physical being
has always lived. Granny come back
so the tears last no more.

My future kids will not be blessed
with meeting you. Your stories I
will share, of my grandmother bold
and yes she always did dare. To defy
the odds and trick the obstacles
to bend the circumstance, just so
that I could have every chance.

I love you granny. Forever and
always. I love you granny, forever
in my heart you will always stay.
I love you granny. And I’m glad
your pain is now gone away. I love
you granny. Forever may your
soul rest in sweet heavenly peace.

This I know…?

It is so this I know for
What, I said what?
The Bible tells me so
No seriously before
I digress let tell you
How elated, this sen-
Sation has been created
No longer frustrated
Just thanking God, seriously
Just THANKING God
For the win…

For this I know,
I’m not just telling
You so, last days
Begat new days, creating
Better and newer
More befitting of your
Inner being passionate
Baring just seeking
Brand new fresh
Opportunities…Just
THANKING God for
Letting me know, just
Thanking God for telling
Me THIS IS SO…

I’m telling you this
I know I KNOW
Blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah…
I mean really, let
Me STATE this more
CLEARLY…LAST days
Begat new days creating
Luxury in how
I
DEFINE
ME….just thanking
God, for showing
Me His GRACE…

Now see this here
Is WHAT I’M TELLING
You…have no fear
Because Gods MERCY
Is REAL…bountiful
And plenty, I feel Him
Justly smiling on me
I mean in me, I mean
From me? Hmph just
Thanking God, for
His will I know…

As I…

As I aspire, it’s with
much thought that
goals and ambitions
form un-delayed, like
words transcribed on
your Sunday news-
paper page, with sage
not rage, I aim for goals, flying high
so high, they float
beyond the sky
making monuments
of souls intent to
be more than, or better
than, to simply not
be set on being
content, after all, I
mean I am…heaven sent

pWrite…Intro

I’ve decided to start a daily writing section called “pwrite” (like iWrite but “p” for Peaches, Peach, Pit, Propaganda)- it is my intention to try to keep each post uniform so you can easily tell it from my poetry post. Peach Pit Propaganda is forever changing and evolving [i hope].

This segment of my blog will likely not include poetry but I can’t say not at all because poetry is me…they will be more like journal entries as I begin this a new chapter in this journey we call life.

This journey is one of CHANGE [i know we all just love that word] and I plan to share the goods the bads the up and downs even turn arounds of this journey I am about to begin.

Every year since undergrad [which seems to be getting further and further in the past] I started participating in the Lenten season with my BFF (if you’re wondering I am not Catholic but I love God the father and Jesus the son) and this year it seems to not be starting until March – I feel like I need a spiritual cleanse sooner than that so I am starting this journey in preparation of Lent in hopes that my spiritual growth is higher at the start enabling me to take it even higher.

Change is never easy and while I have not completely defined what this part of the journey will consist of I hope you can appreciate it and even possible be inspired to do some positive change in your own life…

 

God Bless!

Ms. Peaches…

Distinctly Distinctable

By distinction I’m weak for
The softness the fullness
How sweetly kissable
Those lips are…

By Distinction electricity
Shocks me when magically
You kiss me

By distinction blindly
I’ll tell you just whose
Distinctly recognizable
Lips just kissed me

By Distinction your kisses
Magically arouse me
Making me feel distinctly
Things no other mans kisses
Have ever made me feel

Like Wind

With caution I hesitate
To instruct caution to you
As moving forward seems
To be an illusion, yea I think
That’s my conclusion

Grasping for emotional
Comfort, emotional release
And relief, wanting to share
My abundance while
Being cautioned to move
Slowly when emotionally
I’m not sure that’s really me

Cautioned to not feel dejected
Or rejected even emotionally
Objec-ti-fied so supplied
With caution I hesitate
To emotionally consummate
The feelings I could be
Feeling cause my caution
Cannot be gone like the wind

Souls’ Song

I wanna sing, but my song
is without words, I wanna sing
but the melody is no more,
I wanna sing but maybe someone
ran off with my words,

I wanna breeze through a
melody that sings a song
of you in me, sharing affections
not subjection to rejection because
your emotional constipation, got you
lacking the sincere anticipation from
the sensations that I feel…

when I allow the feelings that I feel
for your soul to sing its song
all through out my soul…
but you, do not hear! you do
not fear, you do not see
the real beauty that lives within me

open your eyes and see, the song
that lacks in you, truly does live in
me and I’ll sing it aloud, I won’t shout
it but singing it proud, I’ll allow my
soul to sing that song, I’ll allow my soul
to sing that song, all night long…I’ll sing
that song, I’ll sing that song, ’til my
souls at peace and my hearts content…

I’ll sing my soul til that songs’ no more…


Lost we die…

Conclusions of disillusions painting
Pictures of confusion of you ever
Wanting me…but decisions show
Precision in precisely how wisely
I should be dealing with the cards
Dealt directly to me…

Detachment from attachment
Strong ties I thought once bound
Would never unbind, but deceivingly
I now see from where before I blindly
Had no one there holding my
Hand or guiding me…

Towards the light that inevitably
Was there to shine upon me a victory
That was unforeseen as your love
Has fallen short in never capturing me
Though time we cannot rewind
My wonders of what could have
Been have seemingly dissipated
Into what is wasted and left for
Dead…but inside I don’t cry or hide

Behind what’s unreal…secure in
My emotions I move forward stepping
Ahead not following behind where
Lessons unlearned in our lives simply
Are left to die…

Captured

your touch, your kiss
your words saying to
me that I am sweet
mean the absolute
most to me, your
kindness, your warm
welcoming arms when
you hold me, baby
are you aware of
all that you do to me?
my words, turned poetic
creating a symphony of all
the feelings you create
inside of me, even when
you’re not  right next to me
I hold tight to your energy
Loving the electricity
It creates within me
I’ll sing you my song if
you give me your listening
ear, I’ll caress your mind,
while making love to you
intellectually, cuz it’s not
just  you physically that
does all the things that you
do to me, but your inner
being that makes me
so weak – you’ve really
captured me…

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I Think

I think of you as the sun

Rises and I inhale my first

Breath, thankful to God

That we really met

 

I think of you when the

Evening comes, causing the

Sun to set, thankful for

Memories that I will never forget

 

I think of you when

I close my eyes, able to see

Reflections from gazes

We shared, thankful

For all of the things we’ll

One day dare

 

I think of you, with a

Smile upon my face,

Simply thankful for

God’s good grace

 

I think of you, even

When we’re side by side

Thankful for hope

Of this lasting forever

Lasting always…forever

Life long…more easily

Put…I think of you

 

I think of you.