How many of us have done this?

I was rummaging through some of my old poems and I found this poem. I call it Just Fine. How many of you have ever been so hurt by someone but tried to shake it off as though it didn’t bother you, knowing inside you are unsure if you were gonna make it through? Well here it goes

I really don’t know what to say
I mean how do I reply to the statement you made?
You finally admitted what I needed to hear
You’re happy with her, that makes your feelings for me
– very clear

I felt like I would die
I’m surprised I didn’t cry
Maybe I knew it all this time
So I’ll tell myself I’m feeling just fine

I am thoroughly confused
I’ve never felt so used
I wish I never met you
I wish that statment was true

I just really don’t know anymore
What were all my tears for?
You know, I was so sure

I thought that if I gave you enough time
Your heart would be mine
but I see that is not so and so I tell myself
-I’m feeling just fine

by Dr.Dash

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Victory

Look at me
Look at me

I am finally….Free!
The dark cloud has been lifted
and the sun has been released
I can stretch my limbs,
dance and sing
My spirit has been lifted
and my soul has been set free
I can’t even express
how good God has been to me
It wasn’t until I was at my darkest hour
that I realized how deeply He loved me
and now I stand here
on my own two feet
Giving Allah the glory
because he has rescued me

I now look forward to the sunrise
I wake up with a smile on my face
This feeling is so fantastic
that it could only be by God’s grace
I no longer feel sad
That man was not worthy to share my space
And I know God has someone in the woodworks
waiting to fill that man’s place
But in the meantime,
I find comfort
in my daughter’s warm embrace

by Dr.Dash

Anew

I called you here today
to figure out a way
to explain to you
that I want to start anew

Now don’t mistake it
and don’t misinterpret
I’ve thought this through
And this is something I have to do

This time I know what I want
I know what I deserve
I know what to look for
I finally know my worth

And I wanted you to know
that I let it all go
and I forgive you
Let’s start anew

Here’s what we do
From here on out
Don’t speak my name
Don’t call my house

I’m going to walk away now
I suggest you do the same
You look a little puzzled
so let me explain

I called you here today
So I could finally say
I want to start anew
Just not with you

 

Dr. Dash

forgiving and letting go

It is said to truly forgive someone you must let go of the anger and the hurt and not dwell on the past. I believe that there are stages one goes through when ending a relationship, whether it’s with a friend or a lover. Those stages, in my opinion, are denial, followed by grief, anger, then a no mans land between anger and forgiveness, and then finally forgiveness. I am in the no mans land stage and am slowly but surely working my way towards total forgiveness. After I wrote this poem, I tried to read it aloud but I couldn’t, everytime I tried I ended up singing it (and I can’t sing, but ask me if that stops me LOL!) that has never happened to me before, which is how I know this one touched me very deeply. This is part of my healing process

I DON’T BLAME YOU

I don’t blame you for walking away
I don’t blame you for not wanting to stay
I am actually glad for both you and me
for us to be together it was not meant to be
at times I still miss our family
But I don’t miss the pain that you caused me
I know you suffered because of me
But I loved you true and through very deeply

I don’t blame you ‘cause I understand
You never really learned how to be a man
I don’t blame you ‘cause it was justified
I forgave you each and everytime you made me cry
I don’t blame you for pushing me away
I know you’ve never been loved this way
I don’t blame you
I don’t blame you
I don’t blame you

I don’t blame you for going astray
I don’t blame you for all the bad days
I know at times I made you cry
But it was because you hurt me so deep inside
I only wanted the best for me and you
But the harder I tried you gave me less of you
I did the best that I could do
But we weren’t strong enough to pull through
and I don’t blame you

I don’t blame you ‘cause I understand
You never really learned how to be a man
I don’t blame you ‘cause it was justified
I forgave you each and everytime you made me cry
I don’t blame you for pushing me away
I know you’ve never been loved this way
I don’t blame you
I don’t blame you
I don’t blame you

I don’t blame you because I let you do it
I don’t blame you ‘cause I pushed you to it
Everytime that you took me through it
I forgave you even though it hurt to do it
I compromised myself and my beliefs
Too many nights where I couldn’t sleep
I gave you the best of me
But what’s done is done I have nothing left in me

I don’t blame you ‘cause I understand
You never really learned how to be a man
I don’t blame you ‘cause it was justified
I forgave you each and everytime you made me cry
I don’t blame you for pushing me away
I know you’ve never been loved this way
I don’t blame you
I don’t blame you
I don’t blame you

 

Dr. Dash