It’s a new month…a new day and a different time. I’m stuck in the process of “getting over” someone and I am, for some reason, wanting to document this process.
I’ve never fell so hard for a man, like I did for this one. The way things started off, I would have bet money that he was the ONE. He painted me this picture that now seems to have been a facade on my part but while I was living it–it was so real. This man dated me, courted me, cherished me…well maybe not really–but it sure seemed that way. He told me he loved me, wanted me, wishes I was with him everyday. He told me that he would never do anything to hurt me, that he would never want me to even think there was someone else taking my place in his life. I was twittered patted, infatuated, I was in love with this man-who I thought was heaven sent. I mean he was what I thought I was looking for. He’s a believer, more over, a church goer. Prayers, works in the community. He respected me (or so I thought), he made me feel like a man should make a woman feel.
I met his parents, his eldest sister…and I didn’t just meet his parents we went on a double date with his parents. I met some of his closest friends…But recently he betrayed me.
Stage 1 – The betrayal
Things started changing-for the worse…I became inquisitive, which in turn only pissed him off. He was defensive and not forth coming with information because he said I was trying to check him–Guilty conscious was all that was. His new chick and him were on blast all over the Internetinternet but he denies and denied that she is his girl. He ultimately blamed me…said I was nosy and jealous and that his relationship with her is what it is…and that he said he wasn’t trying to have a GF and that she was not…but I guess you get to a point where seeing is believing and not hearing. He told me that we were just friends and that he told me he was “doin me”
Now what the hell does that mean? I had to do some background research on the term because I wasn’t believing that that meant what he tried to tell me that meant. So, I asked one male friend and he said to him it meant that the guy was doing his own thing–no ties…Okay that’s cool but next time if that is what’s meant…lets say that and mean that and let our actions depict that.
I also asked my male BFF and the first thing that came out of his mouth was “Selfish” he said it means that dude isn’t thinking about anybody but himself and it doesn’t matter how you may have interpreted anything he said i because he already had himself covered when he opened his mouth to say “I’m doin me” But in trying to gain further understanding our conversation continued and I asked well does doing him mean that he can blatantly tell me one thing and do another…does it mean since I’m doing me screw you and your feelings? does it mean I’m going to date you and date her too? Does it mean I’m in a relationship with someone else now but am still trying to hold on to you–does it mean that I CAN USE you to my own liking? My BFF concluded that from what I was telling him dude is immature, selfish and sloppy…that lightened my heart.
So all in all stage one for me is the being emotional…omg was I ever so emotional. I’ve apparently never felt for a man the way I felt for this one because I was undeniably devastated…crushed…my world…no the picture of my world with him fell off the wall and broke into a million pieces…my heart felt nothing but pain. I wanted to be angry but couldn’t because I was hurting too badly. I being who I am broke down and just cried over him. But it was a much needed release…
So all in all ladies reading this…if you know in your gut things are changing but his words are telling you what you see is not what you should believe…castrate that relationship asap to save yourself from ultimate hurt. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be caught up in things that could be avoided if we just took heed to the signs instead of ignoring them thinking something you can do will change things…let’s stop lying to ourselves…and men stop telling women “I’m doing me” if doing you is a conniving no good two timing backstabber is what you mean you are about to be then say that…but I know when I’m doing me…I’m still me and that’s honest and considerate of others feelings when allowing them to be a part of my life.
to be continued with Stage 2…